One of the tools of the trade when coaching a client to move from A to B is listening for the metaphors they use. Metaphors are like the soft tissue of the inner gears of another’s head--they can help us bypass defenses that are sometimes in the way of change.
“I feel like I hit a wall.” A client might say.
I might respond with, “Well, what if the wall weren’t there?” Or, “what if you could walk around the wall…?” (Or other variations on this theme.) Not uncommonly, out pops some remarkable solution to a problem that seemed insurmountable. Metaphors put us on a fast-track for change.
The other day I was reminded that clearly clients are also listening to my metaphors.
Toward the end of a recent session with a Director I work with, I said, “hang in there,” referring to the emerging realities of coronamania.
“When you say that, it makes me feel like I could slip.” And he demonstrated (across our virtual platform) losing his grip from an imaginary bar overhead.
Yikes!
“What would've been better language to use?” I asked.
“Feel your feet on the ground. But…” and he thought for a moment, clearly wanting something more than just being grounded during this time. “Feel your feet on the ground, but…keep reaching for the stars.”
Um, yes! Point well taken.
Actually, we can all take the point: the language we use powerfully impacts others, and more so in times of difficulty. And more so if we’re a manager or leader or someone who wants to influence anyone positively.
“Feel your feet on the ground, but…keep reaching for the stars” is many more words than “hang in there.” But it doesn’t matter. In the case of this client with this particular metaphor, it mattered that I got the language right the second time through.
It may seem very small. But in coaching we know that small has big repercussions. (Small successive steps lead to accomplishment of goals, for example.) The extra time it takes any of us to get the language right for someone else is a consideration we might all be mindful of in these new times. It can be the difference between fostering hope or inviting distress.
No one performs well when distressed. And in distressing times, we can help others feel more hopeful, resilient, and capable. Language, depending on how we use it, is our friend.
To borrow from my client, may we all feel our feet on the ground at this time. And keep reaching for the stars.
How might you inspire someone today with your language?